You took a bold action!

Here are your instructions as to how to be “energetically open” to receive other women & what questions to use to spark conversations and connections.👇🏼

Being open (energetically & physically) to creating new friendships is an important piece of the puzzle.

Here’s why.

We are mammals who love & desire to be a part of a tribe - connection, community, etc.

We are constantly scanning to our environments to see if we are “safe” to be ourselves & to connect with certain individuals and if so - who?!

Our bodies and specifically nervous systems are constantly scanning if others are “open” to connect with. This is something we do automatically and subconsciously. You don’t have to try.

Here’s a short overview of the nervous system and why it matters here:

According to the polyvagal theory, we have 3 states our nervous systems can get into

Safe & connected (known as ventral vagal - parasympathetic) where we are open for connection, communication, we feel safe and we are able to engage with others.
Fight or flight (sympathetic response) where we feel under attack, triggered, on “edge”, in “fight” mode, or have the need to “run away” from the perceived threat.
Freeze or fawn (known as immobilization - dorsal vagal) where running away or fighting doesnt seem feasible so our systems “shut down” by freezing or by fawning (appeasing to the crowd so we can stay safe) - dissociating, numbing, etc.

It’s ALL ABOUT SAFETY and all about PERCEPTION.

Your social engagement system.

There is constant energy and signals moving through your body and specifically through your heart & face.

“Through this pathway is where we listen for sounds of welcome, look for friendly faces and turn and tilt our heads in search of safety and connection". Through eyes, ears, voices, head movement, our social engagement system broadcasts an invitation for connection with someone or sends them a warning to keep their distance. In addition to sending signals of welcome or warning, our social engagement system looks for signs from others to let us know it’s safe to come into connection.” (from the book “Anchored by Deb Dana”)

So we legit look for cues in others through their body posture, facial expression, tone of voice, sound, eye brightness, mouth positioning, shoulder & chest opening, etc etc - this is ABSOLUTELY MIND BLOWING.

Our vagus nerve is in charge of bringing us back and forth between all states. To be clear, it’s not about ALWAYS being in “safe & engaged” state because naturally, humans needs to come in and out of all states in many different scenarios and cases but knowing how to navigate each and consciously working to support our bodies & hearts is what we can do for ourselves.

By supporting the vagus nerve in different simple ways, will help your body to be more in attuned to sending “signals” that we are in fact open for connection.

How to be open for connection through your NERVOUS SYSTEM:

Take a moment to pause. Notice where you are physically, say it to yourself or out loud. Name the colours you are noticing, the shapes and textures around you. The temperature in the room. This brings you back to the present moment which helps your body be more calm and at ease.
Get in your body. Relax your belly (remember the vagus nerve goes all the way down there), notice if it was tight, bring love & compassion to that area, and take 5 deep inhales through your nose, fill up your belly, hold your breath for a few seconds, exhale through your mouth slow and controlled - adding a SIGH and creating a VIBRATION through sound, in your throat directly supports your vagus nerve to enter “ventral vagal” aka safe & engaged state. SO GET WEIRD! JUST DO IT! Place your hand on your heart and bring a smile to your face (even if you have to fake it for 10 seconds) and feel your feet - their heaviness, the floor, the ground beneath you.
Shake it out. Maybe you’ve had a stressful week, or feeling more on edge lately and have noticed yourself being more in a “fight or flight” state - that’s cool honey bunbun. Shake your body (literally like a crazy person) for 5 mins - every limb, inch, hair on your body. Shake out this energy like you’re literally trying to shake out water from your feathers. Take a couple of deep inhales and exhales of relief and do step 2 “get in your body”.
Check in & open. Hand on your heart, hand on your cheek/face and bring awareness to this pathway between both hands and breathe with your eyes closed. Does it feel open? Can you relax this area? Can you have the intention of bringing more energy in this highway between your face and heart? Bringing a gentle smile to your face, relaxing your shoulders & visualizing your heart opening up more EVEN IF it feels closed or has a wall up THAT’S OKAY! Just have the intention and know that’s enough. Say “thank you” to yourself and your heart. Open your eyes and notice 3 things you find beautiful in your surrounding.

How to be open for connection through your ENERGY / SPIRITUAL SYSTEM:

Know your values. What do you value in your life? What do you enjoy spending time on or desire to bring more energy /focus to? If you were to receive more connections and friendships, what do you want their foundations to be based on? It’s important to write these down - we suggest about 3-5 core values. (i.e: health, spirituality, playfulness)
Visualize safety & opening for other women. This is a big one. Many of us have been taught or experienced the reality that “women are a threat”. Visualizing your energy field around your body to be expanded, safe & welcoming around other women is a great way to energetically signal to others that you are not a threat, you are safe, you are on their level.
Being yourself fully is the safest thing. Noticing when you try to morph yourself more into the other person so that you can relate & connect more to them is a very normal way we know how to stay safe. Although, it doesnt work long term because you aren’t being you. Having the intention of being yourself fully (owning what you like, disagreeing, saying weird things, sharing things you may be “ashamed of”, etc) is a great way to practice staying yourself.
Create the intention. Intention drives a lot of energy in our lives. Having the intention of connecting, having conversations, getting to know others because you desire to see more humans for who they are is a GIFT in this world. We all desire to be seen but few take the time to SEE…. to slow down, to hear, to witness. HAVE this intention in your heart, your mind, your body.